I’ve been quiet on here. It started about a month ago, the worry began to set in and the fear grow. Usually my son has an MRI every 6 months to a year. Our Neurosurgeon gave us a reprieve and it has been two years since his last MRI, but gosh that two years went fast! (If you are new here, you can catch up on a previous post here – https://www.countingstars.com.au/2018/06/the-day-i-became-a-carer/ ) Really, I have remained very positive and getting on with my days. However the effects of the last few weeks have become apparent because my subconscious brain has been on high alert and working overtime. Consciously I can make myself slip into a mindful mode, getting on with everything day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute, but subconsciously after a period of time its like my conscious brain catches up to what is going on in the back ground. I’m not sure if I’m making sense or if this is technically right but that is how I feel, and I feel exhausted. This time my amazing husband took my son into the MRI which gave me a mental break from the flash backs……… Flashbacks […]
At night when the sky is clear I love to look at the stars, I remember doing this as a child and thinking how big the world was. I now look at the stars and feel gratitude for my life and family. By the time my third child was born I thought I had a pretty good handle on what being a mother was all about. That changed one Sunday morning when I found my third child at 11 months of age in his cot. He was laying on his back, breathing heavily and his little body was convulsing like he was having a terrible nightmare. I just could not get him to wake up. This was the moment that my life as a mother changed forever.
The paramedics working on your son on the lounge room floor while you watch in a state of shock, the questions that you are unable to answer, “Did he swallow something?” “Did he have a fall and hit his head?” and the ambulance ride was a blur. The emergency room was full of medical staff all trying to get him to rouse. Asking me as mom to speak to him to get him to wake, but I was in a such a state of shock, I was unable to speak.